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22 February 2019

Survival of the Fattest

by Alice May

Crate Club: “Bare Hands” - 60s

Crate Club - the subscription service that sends its members monthly boxes of tactical survival gear - is not the kind of brand you'd associate with humour. But this Ukrainian commercial flies in the face of manly grit in a way that can only be described as sublime.

In the dank, mossy light of some northern forest morning, a resourceful survivalist emerges from the leaf litter and proceeds to go about his day.

The casting is inspired. Squat and doughy but with a gimlet-eyed gaze, this unlikely hero is magnificently hypnotic and plays his part with aplomb.

Kudos to the unnamed director for the way he depicts Survival Guy's fearless approach to life. We see him fishing naked and noble in a river; his modesty preserved by a humungous thatch of crotch fur. Equally, chopping logs with his bare hands is as nothing to him; nor rummaging in a fox's gullet for a handy match with which to light his fire.

As the post-Brexit apocalypse looms ever nearer, thoughts of stockpiling and strategic planning feel less and less ridiculous. So thank you, Fedoriv Advertising, for holding this chap up as a shining example of what we can never hope to be. We might as well embrace our fate and get our subscriptions in to Crate Club while there's still time, dammit.

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