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1 April 2019

Heartthrob Horror.

by Syd Briscoe

Centrum: “Tom Hiddleston” - 60s

Tom Hiddleston is a man of contradictions, to put it mildly. A successful stage actor, beloved Marvel villain, and heavily-fangirled heartthrob, his career took an unexpected turn when gunning to be the next Bond turned into an odd romantic dalliance with Taylor Swift and an 'inelegant' award acceptance speech.

So far, so much gossip - but this background might explain why a near A-list celebrity finds himself starring in this, well, curious Chinese commercial for Centrum multivitamin supplements.

The film takes the form of a first-person style morning with Hiddleston, who inexplicably appears in the unseen protagonist's kitchen - fully dressed and cooking heart-shaped eggs (with an assortment of vegetables including blackberries, of all things) while wearing an apron.

Watching this is an experience, in a word. While it's apparently popular in its intended market, to our eyes it's an exercise in relentless cringe. The first time the actor addresses the camera had DAVID physically recoiling, and from then on it feels like a challenge to try and hide from the screen while Hiddleston's wooden performance offers more questions than answers.

The so-called 'boyfriend experience' may be wish fulfilment for some, but the inaudible screaming behind Hiddleston's eyes throughout tarnishes the fantasy somewhat. As always, the internet has offered up a thoroughly amusing take on this ad - which has definitely been lost in translation.

David Reviews is hand-crafted by Lovely Lenzie Ltd, 7 Seven Sisters, Lenzie, Glasgow, G66 3AW. Editor: Jason Stone. Phone: 0141 776 7766. E-mail: jason@davidreviews.com.